I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
