upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
