do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
