just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
