I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
