wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
