I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
