I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
