Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
