Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm at about main and main street
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
