I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
