Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
