I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
