True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
