My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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