the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
