Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
