white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
