you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
