The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
