Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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