He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
