even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
