Pappa wants mamma naked
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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