5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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