and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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