true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
