It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
