He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
