He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
