How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
