I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
