last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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