i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
