i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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