I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
