I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Randomize
