im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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