mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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