i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
