I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
