i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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