I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
