im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
