What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
