oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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