and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
