Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
4 words: hood of his car
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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