Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
