speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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