i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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