I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
