I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
