I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
