I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
