Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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