It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
